I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
