Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
