The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
