I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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