we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
