This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
