I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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