how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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