things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
