I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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