when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
