I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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