True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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