In the future we'll all be gay
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
