I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
