So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
