I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize