I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My life is pants optional.
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