I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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