so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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