shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my penis had a tongue
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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