I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
