i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
