You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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