this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
