Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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