R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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