Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
