3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
