This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
