Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
