We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
