also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
