okay pat passed out under dana's car
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
