How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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