I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All the doctor said was why
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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