me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
