I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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