puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
