My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
