i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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