its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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