My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
