remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
