And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
