So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
