Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
