i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just tell him i said nine months
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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