I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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