we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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