he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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