Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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