Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You are the jesus of drinking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
