hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
