After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
