My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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