Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
