Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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