that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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