Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
