He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
