I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
