if i can run in heels then i can drive
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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